We Have Our Little Girl!

It's 2:50 am in China and apparently I require very little sleep each day here. ( I see myself crashing hard one day soon, but for now I'm going strong.) Seems like the perfect time to update the blog:)

So, today ( I guess yesterday since it's after midnight now) was the day we had waited on for so long. It started with breakfast, lots of paperwork, shopping for her, then heading to the civil affairs office to get her. Let me tell you, shopping for baby stuff in a foreign county.. Hysterical! I am so thankful for our guide, Aron, because we couldn't read a thing. Jim finally pointed out, after both of us asked a billion questions, that he promised we have both had babies before.. Two of them, ha! Needless to say, nerves were going wild. I barely could eat most of the day.

So, we get to the civil affairs office. We go into this big room with couches, and we have "our spot." She wasn't there yet, so we waited. There were some other families there being given their babies, but it was overall very sweet and quiet in there. Then, for a split second, I saw her walk in holding one of her nannies hands. This moment was one of my favorites of today. It was quick, but I saw her happy with such personality. She had a little purse around her shoulder and walked so cutely. Some people in front of us started commenting to each other on how cute she was, while I grabbed Jim going " I think she is here!! I think that was her!" Jim didn't see her though... It was brief.

I mention this moment of seeing her walk in so happily because it's an important one.  I keep reminding myself that she will be that happy again :(  A couple of minutes later, our guide motions for us and says" she's here!" Her nannies ( she had three with her) walk her over to us... and she loses it. I have the video of us seeing her for the first time, but it is far too depressing to post on here right now. Crocodile tears in a beautiful broken hearted little girl, and tears streaming on my face wishing I could explain to her that she has a forever family now. That life will forever be changed, for the better. It was so clear to us that not only were her needs met in the orphanage, but that she was really loved as well. I am so grateful for this. I'm so grateful to see that she can truly bond to people, and that it hurts her to be apart from those she loves.  The nannies were very sad to say goodbye to her ( our guide said she is very beautiful and outgoing, so all the nannies spoil her). They were very thankful to us, though, because they know they can never care for her like parents can. They rejoice when orphans leave their orphanages, no matter how much they cared for the little ones. Doesn't mean our hearts aren't sad for them too though.

So yeah, meeting her was pretty painful. Then we get in the car to leave, and she finally calmed down and clinged to Jim. As the day goes on, she really attaches to him. She is terrified of me, however. If I touch her, she cries. If I look at her when Jim is holding her, she looks away. She glares at me constantly, then looks at Jim like " can't she just go." Jim left the room to get us some dinner, and she started screaming again. It truly broke my heart. However, I won her over by giving her a bottle. I thought we were making progress till Jim got back and she was right back to despising me, ha!  Later Jim went down to the front desk, and she sat next to me glaring.. However, she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. So I picked her up, she was too tired to fight, and rocked with her while she slept. I consider this a victory, even if she only laid with me because she was exhausted. I will take it.

Jim is completely smitten with her. We are going to be in trouble because he is already wrapped around her finger. Allegedly she smiled and laughed at him when I wasn't in the room, and she will go to him if he reaches his arms out... Run to him if I'm nearby, ha! He hates it for me how she is treating me, but he knows she will be glued to me very soon.  I am confident of this too. It may take days, weeks, or months, but my Emma will love me like Luke and Jake do one day. Because I know this, I am fine. (I eventually win every one over...right? Ha!)) Sure today wasn't the fairy tale I had hoped for, but when is life ever what we expect!? My daughter is fed, warm, sleeping comfortably, has the ability to love like crazy, has no bruises, is overall healthy, has a great personality ( we know we will see this soon), and is finally with us! What could I be upset over?  I have the rest of the trip to grow closer and closer to her. So, I am very, very thankful for the painful day I had. And even more thankful that tomorrow is a new day :)