While it hasn't really "rained" other than a day or two, it has been overcast and gloomy and chilly and drizzly almost everyday here. It's finally warm, and we can see the! ( The city smog certainly hid the sky from us). I kinda feel like this is a metaphor for how we are doing. The rainy, gloomy first week is over, and now there are clear skies ahead.
Emma is so happy now. She smiles, plays, laughs, and is just a little, beautiful mess all the time. We love this girl so much. She is no longer stoic at all; she loves to wiggle and play. Her favorite thing to do right now is comb Jim's hair, then my hair, then hers and laugh as I repeat how "dada is so pretty"', " mama is so pretty," "Emma is so pretty." So simple, and she loves it. She still doesn't say much, but she has started singing little songs. She also says "Aye Eee" a lot too when referring to Jim and I ( mainly to Jim), which means Auntie. This is what they call the women who care for them in the orphanage. No, Baby, we are your parents, not your Aunties. She will get the concept soon, ha! For now, we like that she knows we care for her. While I have some great pictures from last week of
her with bows in her hair, those days are gone :( She now pulls any bow I put in her hair out, and throws it on the ground laughing. We will work on this... ;). However, my pics from the past couple of days are filled with SMILES!! I will take those over bows any day :)
She certainly still prefers Jim over me, but she doesn't really seem "scared" of me anymore. We have learned what pushes her limits with me, and Jim handles those moments. For example, when she is really tired, I make sure Jim is around. When she wakes up from a nap or from sleep at night, only Jim can calm her. We are trying to teach her that Jim and I are a team, but this is going to take awhile to sink in. She smiles at me, leans in for kisses, and even occasionally reaches for me. These moments are few, but are incredible! There are no words to say how greatful we are to the friends and family who prayed for this transition. It was truly one of the hardest weeks of our lives, but oh so worth it. SHE is worth it. I know there are still going to be tough times ahead like when we get home ( she thinks we live at the hotel), or when Jim goes back to work ( she really, really loves him), but
we can conquer those. After this week, we can handle it :) I will have my boys there to remind me of the momma I am when I feel like she doesn't care for me.. I miss those boys!
This trip has opened my eyes even more to how incredible adoption is. I am so blessed to be a part of this journey, and I hope and pray others join the adoption journey too. Now that it's the second week, we have a group of families with our guide since others are here. There is Emily, a four year old, a five year old, an eight year old, a twelve year old, and a thirteen year old all adopted in our group. Two of the families have adopted others as well ( in fact one family is adopting both the five year old girl and the eight year old boy, and have two bio children and two adopted children as well). All of these beautiful, sweet, wonderful kids now have forever families!! How amazing is that!? My heart is so full when I look around the group on our tours and see the smiles from all the children, and the parents ( and the siblings..many brought their whole families :) ) This whole trip is an experience I
will never, ever forget.
Jim and I have a rhythm here too. The area by our hotel is great, but we like to venture into the little
neighborhood area near by after dinner. They have such a sense of community here...when it's warm out, they all come out and play checkers, dominoes, or other games. They eat everything fresh, so they go to the market once a day, sometimes twice a day. There are vegetables, fish heads (yuck), huge live turtles, teas, knick knacks, clothes, and many other things for sale in shop after shop. The
kids of the people working sit in the shops, or play in the shops, while the parents work. It seems expected that you bring your child to work here if you work in a shop.... Certainly not the case at
home. Even though this little area is only a couple of blocks from the hotel (where many Americans stay), we still get stared at. I don't stare at people who look different from me at home, but they certainly do here. I'm getting used to it now. One thing I can't get used to is the traffic laws...I don't think there are any. Pedestrians definitely do not have the right of way here.... I have almost been
taken out by a car every time I cross the street. It's seriously like a game of frogger. I almost think they speed up when people cross. Gets your blood going, that's for sure ;)
Jim and I have done several ridiculous things while here, like me playing ping pong in the park with a Chinese man. Yes, he was much, much older than me. Yes, he was much, much better than me. But, I held my own. We had a few good volleys and I slammed a few points on him and got some cheers. I looked up and realized several of the people there were video taping me on their phones... Ha ha. I guess this was not a common thing for an American girl to come play ping pong with them. They just hadn't met me yet ;). Jim also went to a store where he was told they bargain. They gave him a price, and he offered a lot less. They looked at him like he was crazy and gave him the price again. After about four booths he realized they do not bargain here. Kinda like going into Macys and seeing the price tag of $40 and offering them $20. Ha ha ha! He looked like an idiot. We did find a few bargain places, but this store was not one of those.
I have to mention in the blog how happy I am that I have Jim. There is no one in the world I would
rather be on this trip with. We have laughed every day, even on days I didn't feel much like laughing. He has been my shoulder to cry on and my hand to hold. He is an amazing father, and there is no question why Emma (and the boys of course) loves him so much. Enough mush, just had to add this in. ;)
There is always more I could write, but I will stop for now. Again, I am so thankful for the prayers of our friends and family. I wake up everyday now excited to see what new thing Emily will do with me. Jim pointed out that I haven't cried in a couple of days...that's huge!! I miss my boys like crazy, but we are in the home stretch... The next couple of days are pretty full, then we head home!! Soon my family of five will all be under one roof...so excited!! Psalm 68:19 "Praise be to The Lord, to God our savior, who daily bears our burdens"
Monday, February 24, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
" You are the best mom in the world..."
" You are the best mom in the world. No, in the whole universe. You could never be the worst because you are always the best." This is something Luke said to me, completely unsolicited, a couple of days before we left. He was playing in the playroom with Jake when he told me this. He didn't want anything when he said this...Wasn't trying to suck up. He just said it because he meant it. Jim and I get the words "I love you" from our boys many times a day. They know they are loved, and they make sure we do too. I tell myself what Luke said to me over and over during this trip. It keeps me going.
So, how are we doing? Well, Emma is getting more and more attached to Jim each day. It's quite cute to watch. A little painful, but I certainly understand why she likes him so much ;) Her first night, she slept great... She was emotionally and physically exhausted. Her second day, she kept warming up to Jim, still not so much me. She would let me hold her some ( She's small but like a sack of potatoes because she won't lean in..dead weight! We both needed breaks!) but she still strongly preferred Jim over me. As the day progressed, she started fighting me more. Night was awful because she screamed through most of it... She was terrified each time she woke up because she had no idea where she was. If I tried comforting her, she kicked like
crazy and screamed louder. That part was tough.. So tough. If my boys wake up, I'm who they want. When she wakes up, there is no one in the world she wants less.. I cried a lot on Tuesday and Tuesday evening... I know it was killing Jim to see me so sad. I didn't want her to see me cry either, so I had to do it carefully, but it was a little uncontrollable. I laughed later thinking of Jim comforting her while she cried and listening to me sob in another room. He was probably thinking " Where are my boys who are so rough and tough?? I'm not ready for this." Welcome to having another girl in our family! :)
Wednesday was a better day. We decided I need to do everything for her pretty much. I fed her her food... Dressed her, etc. I do think this helped a little, but she still would prefer I not be around. She cries whenever we walk into the hotel room..not sure why, but that's hard. Outside of her cries, we hadn't heard her make a sound. Her nannies said she was very outgoing with lots of personality.. We hadn't see that. She is still
stoic and shut down. However, Jim finally had her laughing a little Wed afternoon. Of course she stopped when I looked at her, but that will change... Day by day. She also put a play phone to her ear and said "Hui!" pronounced "way" which means "Hi!" One little sound... That's all we have gotten, but it gives me such joy. There are many more where that came from. Last night, ( well they see still sleeping), she woke up about four times screaming, but was quickly comforted in her crib by Jim. We decided, for now, I won't do the middle of the night comforting. If I scare her in the day, I know it's amplified in the dark at night web half awake.
So, while I still get a little teary at times, I am feeling much better. I am confident she
will grow to love me soon. While some adopting parents don't feel a connection to their children right away ( which is normal.. This happens often and the connection comes later), I don't feel this way. I love this little girl. I love her eyes and her hair and the face she makes when she feels the wind. If anyone tries to touch her, I get very protective. I just simply love her. She just doesn't feel that for me yet. My love will grow and hers will too. Throughout this week, I have been reciting scriptures in my head. 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" and Matthew 11:28, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" are the main ones on repeat in my head. Obviously, I am not capable of a perfect love. But I can sure do my best at loving this little one. If I am loving her, what have I to fear?? This will be a blurb in time soon and she will love me back...at least until she is a teen, ha ;). Also, I have not been sleeping great here. I wouldn't call it jet lag because I am not tired during the day... I just think my head won't stop spinning, so I can't rest. I will get it soon though... I have to eventually, right?
will grow to love me soon. While some adopting parents don't feel a connection to their children right away ( which is normal.. This happens often and the connection comes later), I don't feel this way. I love this little girl. I love her eyes and her hair and the face she makes when she feels the wind. If anyone tries to touch her, I get very protective. I just simply love her. She just doesn't feel that for me yet. My love will grow and hers will too. Throughout this week, I have been reciting scriptures in my head. 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" and Matthew 11:28, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" are the main ones on repeat in my head. Obviously, I am not capable of a perfect love. But I can sure do my best at loving this little one. If I am loving her, what have I to fear?? This will be a blurb in time soon and she will love me back...at least until she is a teen, ha ;). Also, I have not been sleeping great here. I wouldn't call it jet lag because I am not tired during the day... I just think my head won't stop spinning, so I can't rest. I will get it soon though... I have to eventually, right?
I appreciate all the kind words sweet friends posted on Facebook about the blog. As a few smart people have pointed out, this whole situation is like Christ's love for us. He wants a relationship with us so badly. And we kick and fight. He can offer us more love than ever imagined... And we still kick and fight. It's a pretty perfect metaphor.
On a funnier note, Jim and I have had many ridiculous things happen throughout this trip which is certainly keeping us feeling light. One day, Jim reached for a shirt at the market. When he did, a giant rat jumped off it and onto the beam in the ceiling. Jim jumped and even screamed a little! The best part is that he still asked he lady how much the shirt was because he didn't want to insult her, knowing good and well he wasn't buying a rat shirt, ha! Also, last night Jim and I went to a place that is all in Chinese...no English and none of the servers speak it. At least ours didn't. Somehow we ended up ordering a giant plate of jalapeño peppers...no noodles, rice, nothing..for dinner... Best part is they don't serve water to drink here, so we ate it with this broth stuff to drink it down with. We couldn't stop laughing!
More to come in a few days...perhaps then I will say Emily is crazy about me?! I can dream, right.
Monday, February 17, 2014
We Have Our Little Girl!
It's 2:50 am in China and apparently I require very little sleep each day here. ( I see myself crashing hard one day soon, but for now I'm going strong.) Seems like the perfect time to update the blog:)
So, today ( I guess yesterday since it's after midnight now) was the day we had waited on for so long. It started with breakfast, lots of paperwork, shopping for her, then heading to the civil affairs office to get her. Let me tell you, shopping for baby stuff in a foreign county.. Hysterical! I am so thankful for our guide, Aron, because we couldn't read a thing. Jim finally pointed out, after both of us asked a billion questions, that he promised we have both had babies before.. Two of them, ha! Needless to say, nerves were going wild. I barely could eat most of the day.
So, we get to the civil affairs office. We go into this big room with couches, and we have "our spot." She wasn't there yet, so we waited. There were some other families there being given their babies, but it was overall very sweet and quiet in there. Then, for a split second, I saw her walk in holding one of her nannies hands. This moment was one of my favorites of today. It was quick, but I saw her happy with such personality. She had a little purse around her shoulder and walked so cutely. Some people in front of us started commenting to each other on how cute she was, while I grabbed Jim going " I think she is here!! I think that was her!" Jim didn't see her though... It was brief.
I mention this moment of seeing her walk in so happily because it's an important one. I keep reminding myself that she will be that happy again :( A couple of minutes later, our guide motions for us and says" she's here!" Her nannies ( she had three with her) walk her over to us... and she loses it. I have the video of us seeing her for the first time, but it is far too depressing to post on here right now. Crocodile tears in a beautiful broken hearted little girl, and tears streaming on my face wishing I could explain to her that she has a forever family now. That life will forever be changed, for the better. It was so clear to us that not only were her needs met in the orphanage, but that she was really loved as well. I am so grateful for this. I'm so grateful to see that she can truly bond to people, and that it hurts her to be apart from those she loves. The nannies were very sad to say goodbye to her ( our guide said she is very beautiful and outgoing, so all the nannies spoil her). They were very thankful to us, though, because they know they can never care for her like parents can. They rejoice when orphans leave their orphanages, no matter how much they cared for the little ones. Doesn't mean our hearts aren't sad for them too though.
So yeah, meeting her was pretty painful. Then we get in the car to leave, and she finally calmed down and clinged to Jim. As the day goes on, she really attaches to him. She is terrified of me, however. If I touch her, she cries. If I look at her when Jim is holding her, she looks away. She glares at me constantly, then looks at Jim like " can't she just go." Jim left the room to get us some dinner, and she started screaming again. It truly broke my heart. However, I won her over by giving her a bottle. I thought we were making progress till Jim got back and she was right back to despising me, ha! Later Jim went down to the front desk, and she sat next to me glaring.. However, she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. So I picked her up, she was too tired to fight, and rocked with her while she slept. I consider this a victory, even if she only laid with me because she was exhausted. I will take it.
Jim is completely smitten with her. We are going to be in trouble because he is already wrapped around her finger. Allegedly she smiled and laughed at him when I wasn't in the room, and she will go to him if he reaches his arms out... Run to him if I'm nearby, ha! He hates it for me how she is treating me, but he knows she will be glued to me very soon. I am confident of this too. It may take days, weeks, or months, but my Emma will love me like Luke and Jake do one day. Because I know this, I am fine. (I eventually win every one over...right? Ha!)) Sure today wasn't the fairy tale I had hoped for, but when is life ever what we expect!? My daughter is fed, warm, sleeping comfortably, has the ability to love like crazy, has no bruises, is overall healthy, has a great personality ( we know we will see this soon), and is finally with us! What could I be upset over? I have the rest of the trip to grow closer and closer to her. So, I am very, very thankful for the painful day I had. And even more thankful that tomorrow is a new day :)
So, today ( I guess yesterday since it's after midnight now) was the day we had waited on for so long. It started with breakfast, lots of paperwork, shopping for her, then heading to the civil affairs office to get her. Let me tell you, shopping for baby stuff in a foreign county.. Hysterical! I am so thankful for our guide, Aron, because we couldn't read a thing. Jim finally pointed out, after both of us asked a billion questions, that he promised we have both had babies before.. Two of them, ha! Needless to say, nerves were going wild. I barely could eat most of the day.
So, we get to the civil affairs office. We go into this big room with couches, and we have "our spot." She wasn't there yet, so we waited. There were some other families there being given their babies, but it was overall very sweet and quiet in there. Then, for a split second, I saw her walk in holding one of her nannies hands. This moment was one of my favorites of today. It was quick, but I saw her happy with such personality. She had a little purse around her shoulder and walked so cutely. Some people in front of us started commenting to each other on how cute she was, while I grabbed Jim going " I think she is here!! I think that was her!" Jim didn't see her though... It was brief.
I mention this moment of seeing her walk in so happily because it's an important one. I keep reminding myself that she will be that happy again :( A couple of minutes later, our guide motions for us and says" she's here!" Her nannies ( she had three with her) walk her over to us... and she loses it. I have the video of us seeing her for the first time, but it is far too depressing to post on here right now. Crocodile tears in a beautiful broken hearted little girl, and tears streaming on my face wishing I could explain to her that she has a forever family now. That life will forever be changed, for the better. It was so clear to us that not only were her needs met in the orphanage, but that she was really loved as well. I am so grateful for this. I'm so grateful to see that she can truly bond to people, and that it hurts her to be apart from those she loves. The nannies were very sad to say goodbye to her ( our guide said she is very beautiful and outgoing, so all the nannies spoil her). They were very thankful to us, though, because they know they can never care for her like parents can. They rejoice when orphans leave their orphanages, no matter how much they cared for the little ones. Doesn't mean our hearts aren't sad for them too though.
So yeah, meeting her was pretty painful. Then we get in the car to leave, and she finally calmed down and clinged to Jim. As the day goes on, she really attaches to him. She is terrified of me, however. If I touch her, she cries. If I look at her when Jim is holding her, she looks away. She glares at me constantly, then looks at Jim like " can't she just go." Jim left the room to get us some dinner, and she started screaming again. It truly broke my heart. However, I won her over by giving her a bottle. I thought we were making progress till Jim got back and she was right back to despising me, ha! Later Jim went down to the front desk, and she sat next to me glaring.. However, she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. So I picked her up, she was too tired to fight, and rocked with her while she slept. I consider this a victory, even if she only laid with me because she was exhausted. I will take it.
Jim is completely smitten with her. We are going to be in trouble because he is already wrapped around her finger. Allegedly she smiled and laughed at him when I wasn't in the room, and she will go to him if he reaches his arms out... Run to him if I'm nearby, ha! He hates it for me how she is treating me, but he knows she will be glued to me very soon. I am confident of this too. It may take days, weeks, or months, but my Emma will love me like Luke and Jake do one day. Because I know this, I am fine. (I eventually win every one over...right? Ha!)) Sure today wasn't the fairy tale I had hoped for, but when is life ever what we expect!? My daughter is fed, warm, sleeping comfortably, has the ability to love like crazy, has no bruises, is overall healthy, has a great personality ( we know we will see this soon), and is finally with us! What could I be upset over? I have the rest of the trip to grow closer and closer to her. So, I am very, very thankful for the painful day I had. And even more thankful that tomorrow is a new day :)
Sunday, February 16, 2014
We are in China!!
I am writing this at 10:11 pm China time. Well, we arrived at our hotel about 24 hours ago. We were exhausted from the trip in, but with some rest and walking around town today, we both feel human again! The trip in was great... Long but great. I gotta add that technology on planes have changed tremendously! Every seat has individual tv's for movies, tv shows, music, games, etc of your choosing. Pretty cool!! Helped make the time fly by!
So today we have had on our own to rest, then tomorrow we get our little one... Ahhh!! We met a family today who adopted their daughter from a small, small remote place near Beijing... Can't remember the name. She was beautiful and teeny!! Jim loved making her laugh.. He is going to be a mess when we have Emily with us! It's funny here because Guanghouz is where all US adoptions are finalized. So most people get their children one week, then fly here to spend the second week. It just happens that our daughter is from the same province, so we stay here the whole two weeks. We look very odd on the streets... My bet is most people think we are here to adopt, but she isn't with us yet. So it looks like we left our child at the hotel or something, ha! While many Americans come here to adopt, we are still a bit odd to most of the Chinese people. I have been stared at by many people, right in the eyes.. At first it was strange, then I realized they do not see blue eyes often. So, I guess we are pretty unusual here. ( I'm sure plenty of people think we are unusual at home too ;) )
It's humorous to us being in a place where we can't understand people are saying or read anything... It's nice sometimes to be taken completely out of our comfort zones. We were stuck sitting set a restaurant table for awhile today because we couldn't figure out how to tip, and no one hinders rid what we were asking to do, ha! I did make a small girl cry today though. She was in front of us in line at the store checkout, and I bent down to scratch my knee. I guess my eyes were at her level because she looked at me, screamed, then begged her mom to take her. Just the confidence boost I was needing right before meeting my daughter, ha ;)
There is much I could write about what we have seen so far ( like the amazing lights still up everywhere from Chinese New Year, the enormous turtles for sale to eat in buckets on the streets, or the little street show/ practice-- we have no idea what was going on-- that got crazy when everyone started running around with real swords) but for now, I'm going to sleep. Big day tomorrow, and my stomach is in knots with nerves.. Prayers are greatly appreciated'!! Xia Xia!! ( I think this is thank you written.. You should hear me say it with my southern accent. My goal is to say it properly by the end of the trip ;) )
So today we have had on our own to rest, then tomorrow we get our little one... Ahhh!! We met a family today who adopted their daughter from a small, small remote place near Beijing... Can't remember the name. She was beautiful and teeny!! Jim loved making her laugh.. He is going to be a mess when we have Emily with us! It's funny here because Guanghouz is where all US adoptions are finalized. So most people get their children one week, then fly here to spend the second week. It just happens that our daughter is from the same province, so we stay here the whole two weeks. We look very odd on the streets... My bet is most people think we are here to adopt, but she isn't with us yet. So it looks like we left our child at the hotel or something, ha! While many Americans come here to adopt, we are still a bit odd to most of the Chinese people. I have been stared at by many people, right in the eyes.. At first it was strange, then I realized they do not see blue eyes often. So, I guess we are pretty unusual here. ( I'm sure plenty of people think we are unusual at home too ;) )
It's humorous to us being in a place where we can't understand people are saying or read anything... It's nice sometimes to be taken completely out of our comfort zones. We were stuck sitting set a restaurant table for awhile today because we couldn't figure out how to tip, and no one hinders rid what we were asking to do, ha! I did make a small girl cry today though. She was in front of us in line at the store checkout, and I bent down to scratch my knee. I guess my eyes were at her level because she looked at me, screamed, then begged her mom to take her. Just the confidence boost I was needing right before meeting my daughter, ha ;)
There is much I could write about what we have seen so far ( like the amazing lights still up everywhere from Chinese New Year, the enormous turtles for sale to eat in buckets on the streets, or the little street show/ practice-- we have no idea what was going on-- that got crazy when everyone started running around with real swords) but for now, I'm going to sleep. Big day tomorrow, and my stomach is in knots with nerves.. Prayers are greatly appreciated'!! Xia Xia!! ( I think this is thank you written.. You should hear me say it with my southern accent. My goal is to say it properly by the end of the trip ;) )
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Let's Get It Started
I decided to switch to blogger instead of my former blogging site. So, this first entry was actually written on November 3, 2013 and copied and pasted here. Ladies and Gentlemen, my first blog entry:
For anyone who knows me, they know I have never had a problem talking. Writing, however, is not a dialogue. It's just me sharing my thoughts...no way to see the expressions on others faces as they read (am I going to be able to write things as funny as I think I can say them? Will the reader understand what I meant when I am not able to add a million disclaimers so as to not offend anyone?) These are simply a few of the questions that go into my thoughts when writing a blog. Most specifically, will anyone read it? Well, I decided I don't care if others want to read it. I'm gonna write it anyway. So, here I go...my first blog. Get ready to live, people! ;)
To give a wee bit of background on myself, first and foremost, I am a lover of Jesus Christ and believer that I am nothing without Him in my life. I am a University of TN grad (Go VOLS!) who is blessed to be the wife of a wonderful man, Jim, mom of two biological boys, Lucas, 5, and Jacob, 3, (Luke and Jake as often referred to), and the mom of one soon-to-be adopted little girl, Emily (Emma) in China. I have been incredibly blessed to have an amazing extended family, on both Jim and my sides, and several siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. Basically, my family is pretty dang awesome. I am a Realtor and I love working with people to help them find their home--lots of work, but so much fun! (most of the time ;) ) While also waiting on our little girl, Jim and I are building our home that we hope to live in for a very long time. He is acting as the GC (he has a full time job with a production builder), so building this house has been a lot of work and stress! It's definitely been exciting and fun, but exhausting as well. We laugh and say if we can make it through this adoption and build without killing one another (figuratively) we will be shocked. So far, so good!
So, I have been asked many questions about adoption. I am going to attempt to answer many of the questions I have been asked. I'm going to warn you...this first blog is long. If anyone has more questions, you know where to find me ;)
1) Why adopt? You had no problems getting pregnant and seemed to have pretty easy pregnancies and deliveries?...These are true statements. I was blessed in getting pregnant easily and quickly with both boys. Also, while I was sick pretty much all day everyday with Jake (I'm a good faker in person but Jim and the Dr. know how sick I truly was), I would say my pregnancies were both pretty easy. However, our reasoning is simple...One Less Orphan. Jim and I decided we wanted a third child and could not shake the fact that there are millions (yes millions) of children already in this world who need homes. I can't adopt millions, but I can adopt one. Additionally, as a Christian, we are called to care for orphans. What better way to care for an orphan than to bring one into my home and family forever?
2) Isn't adoption expensive? I could never afford it. Yes, adoption is very expensive, this is true. Not only the cost of all of the adoption fees, but traveling is outrageous as well. However, this money is going towards a life. Your child's life. People buy cars and homes everyday, for far more than the cost of adoption. Also, I promise there are people out there who want to give money to adoptions..I promise. The Lord is not going to let money stop you if your heart is ready and willing to adopt. I have had clients with real estate come out of the blue this year, and the money I have made has gone towards this adoption...coincidence...I think not. God definitely has His hands in this. :)
3) Did you just want a girl? I can't imagine going through this whole process just to get a girl. Yes, I am SO excited about bows and headbands, etc. But, I adore my boys. I love having boys. They are wild and into everything and rambunctious, but oh so sweet and loving and wonderful. If I didn't feel called to adopt, I would have just tried for another baby biologically. Odds are, that baby would have been a boy. In fact, when we started the process we were open to a boy or girl. So, for us, no--it had nothing to do with wanting a girl. It had to do with wanting a third child and feeling called to adopt.
4) Adoption is so trendy right now...I couldn't do it. Ha ha, this isn't really a question but I felt it needed to be commented on. When I think trendy, I think scarves and skinny jeans and chevron patterns, etc. Things that are in now and gone tomorrow. Adoption is not a trend. Perhaps more and more people are doing it because they are seeing the need, and that is AWESOME!! But, unlike floral wallpaper of the 80's, this child will be here to stay. Period.
5) Aren't you afraid you aren't going to love her the same as your real kids? Yes, I have been asked this...again, I know the person meant nothing by it. First off, our daughter IS our real child. Just because she did not come out of my belly does not mean she is any less mine than Lucas or Jacob. Now, I remember when Luke was almost 2 and we were close to having Jake. Jim and I started getting very emotional (sorry Jim to tell on you for crying) about having another child. How will we ever love him the same as Luke?? I am sure most parents with more than one child have experienced this feeling. But, as you all know, the minute Jake was born, our hearts expanded. The minute we meet our baby girl, our hearts will expand as well. I do think, however, asking this question is a fair question...when you love your children so much, how could you love one that doesn't come from you the same? But, I am confident that we are going to love this child fully and unconditionally.
6) You guys are so great for doing this. Again, not a question but it still needs to be commented on. I've never quite known how to respond to this statement. Jim and I are called to adopt by the Lord. That's nothing about greatness in us..only in God. And, yes, by giving this child a forever family, we will be blessing her. But, she will be blessing us too, far more than we could ever bless her. Of this I am sure. She is not a charity case...she is a blessing. Our blessing.
7) Are you afraid it's going to be hard when she comes home? Absolutely. I know it's going to be tough. And, if by some chance it's not tough right away, it will be later. I am not blindly or naively going into this adoption...I think some people unfortunately do not do the research and talk to others who have adopted. Then those people are shocked that it's not all rainbows and butterflies when the child gets home. It's going to be tough. We will be taking this child from everything she knows and bringing her into our home. Later in life, she will have questions that we can't answer because we won't know. We have no idea all of the illnesses and hereditary disorders her bloodline could be carrying. Guess what? This is parenting. It's the biggest gamble in the world. We will love her with all of our hearts, through the good and the bad, teach her about Christ, and pray for her future. We will care for her and provide for her to the best of our ability. But, outside of these things, we got nuthin'. We can't predict the future. But, I could spend every day worried about the unknowns of my daughter, while one of my biological kids gets hit by a car or gets cancer or something else tragic happens. Like I said, parenting is a gamble. All I can do is love my kids, care for my kids, and trust that the rest is in God's hands.
I'm sure I have been asked many more things, but this blog is getting long..especially for my first one. I will spare my reader, and end on this: The purpose of this blog is not to lead people to adopt...it's simply to share where we are. However, if people end up adopting as a result of our adoption, AMAZING! I know part of the reason we want to adopt is because of what we have seen in other's adoptions. I hope our situation can have the same effect. Many sweet friends have asked for updates on the house, and I can post on that stuff later. For now, good night and happy Adoption Sunday/Orphan Sunday!!
For anyone who knows me, they know I have never had a problem talking. Writing, however, is not a dialogue. It's just me sharing my thoughts...no way to see the expressions on others faces as they read (am I going to be able to write things as funny as I think I can say them? Will the reader understand what I meant when I am not able to add a million disclaimers so as to not offend anyone?) These are simply a few of the questions that go into my thoughts when writing a blog. Most specifically, will anyone read it? Well, I decided I don't care if others want to read it. I'm gonna write it anyway. So, here I go...my first blog. Get ready to live, people! ;)
To give a wee bit of background on myself, first and foremost, I am a lover of Jesus Christ and believer that I am nothing without Him in my life. I am a University of TN grad (Go VOLS!) who is blessed to be the wife of a wonderful man, Jim, mom of two biological boys, Lucas, 5, and Jacob, 3, (Luke and Jake as often referred to), and the mom of one soon-to-be adopted little girl, Emily (Emma) in China. I have been incredibly blessed to have an amazing extended family, on both Jim and my sides, and several siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. Basically, my family is pretty dang awesome. I am a Realtor and I love working with people to help them find their home--lots of work, but so much fun! (most of the time ;) ) While also waiting on our little girl, Jim and I are building our home that we hope to live in for a very long time. He is acting as the GC (he has a full time job with a production builder), so building this house has been a lot of work and stress! It's definitely been exciting and fun, but exhausting as well. We laugh and say if we can make it through this adoption and build without killing one another (figuratively) we will be shocked. So far, so good!
So, I have been asked many questions about adoption. I am going to attempt to answer many of the questions I have been asked. I'm going to warn you...this first blog is long. If anyone has more questions, you know where to find me ;)
1) Why adopt? You had no problems getting pregnant and seemed to have pretty easy pregnancies and deliveries?...These are true statements. I was blessed in getting pregnant easily and quickly with both boys. Also, while I was sick pretty much all day everyday with Jake (I'm a good faker in person but Jim and the Dr. know how sick I truly was), I would say my pregnancies were both pretty easy. However, our reasoning is simple...One Less Orphan. Jim and I decided we wanted a third child and could not shake the fact that there are millions (yes millions) of children already in this world who need homes. I can't adopt millions, but I can adopt one. Additionally, as a Christian, we are called to care for orphans. What better way to care for an orphan than to bring one into my home and family forever?
2) Isn't adoption expensive? I could never afford it. Yes, adoption is very expensive, this is true. Not only the cost of all of the adoption fees, but traveling is outrageous as well. However, this money is going towards a life. Your child's life. People buy cars and homes everyday, for far more than the cost of adoption. Also, I promise there are people out there who want to give money to adoptions..I promise. The Lord is not going to let money stop you if your heart is ready and willing to adopt. I have had clients with real estate come out of the blue this year, and the money I have made has gone towards this adoption...coincidence...I think not. God definitely has His hands in this. :)
3) Did you just want a girl? I can't imagine going through this whole process just to get a girl. Yes, I am SO excited about bows and headbands, etc. But, I adore my boys. I love having boys. They are wild and into everything and rambunctious, but oh so sweet and loving and wonderful. If I didn't feel called to adopt, I would have just tried for another baby biologically. Odds are, that baby would have been a boy. In fact, when we started the process we were open to a boy or girl. So, for us, no--it had nothing to do with wanting a girl. It had to do with wanting a third child and feeling called to adopt.
4) Adoption is so trendy right now...I couldn't do it. Ha ha, this isn't really a question but I felt it needed to be commented on. When I think trendy, I think scarves and skinny jeans and chevron patterns, etc. Things that are in now and gone tomorrow. Adoption is not a trend. Perhaps more and more people are doing it because they are seeing the need, and that is AWESOME!! But, unlike floral wallpaper of the 80's, this child will be here to stay. Period.
5) Aren't you afraid you aren't going to love her the same as your real kids? Yes, I have been asked this...again, I know the person meant nothing by it. First off, our daughter IS our real child. Just because she did not come out of my belly does not mean she is any less mine than Lucas or Jacob. Now, I remember when Luke was almost 2 and we were close to having Jake. Jim and I started getting very emotional (sorry Jim to tell on you for crying) about having another child. How will we ever love him the same as Luke?? I am sure most parents with more than one child have experienced this feeling. But, as you all know, the minute Jake was born, our hearts expanded. The minute we meet our baby girl, our hearts will expand as well. I do think, however, asking this question is a fair question...when you love your children so much, how could you love one that doesn't come from you the same? But, I am confident that we are going to love this child fully and unconditionally.
6) You guys are so great for doing this. Again, not a question but it still needs to be commented on. I've never quite known how to respond to this statement. Jim and I are called to adopt by the Lord. That's nothing about greatness in us..only in God. And, yes, by giving this child a forever family, we will be blessing her. But, she will be blessing us too, far more than we could ever bless her. Of this I am sure. She is not a charity case...she is a blessing. Our blessing.
7) Are you afraid it's going to be hard when she comes home? Absolutely. I know it's going to be tough. And, if by some chance it's not tough right away, it will be later. I am not blindly or naively going into this adoption...I think some people unfortunately do not do the research and talk to others who have adopted. Then those people are shocked that it's not all rainbows and butterflies when the child gets home. It's going to be tough. We will be taking this child from everything she knows and bringing her into our home. Later in life, she will have questions that we can't answer because we won't know. We have no idea all of the illnesses and hereditary disorders her bloodline could be carrying. Guess what? This is parenting. It's the biggest gamble in the world. We will love her with all of our hearts, through the good and the bad, teach her about Christ, and pray for her future. We will care for her and provide for her to the best of our ability. But, outside of these things, we got nuthin'. We can't predict the future. But, I could spend every day worried about the unknowns of my daughter, while one of my biological kids gets hit by a car or gets cancer or something else tragic happens. Like I said, parenting is a gamble. All I can do is love my kids, care for my kids, and trust that the rest is in God's hands.
I'm sure I have been asked many more things, but this blog is getting long..especially for my first one. I will spare my reader, and end on this: The purpose of this blog is not to lead people to adopt...it's simply to share where we are. However, if people end up adopting as a result of our adoption, AMAZING! I know part of the reason we want to adopt is because of what we have seen in other's adoptions. I hope our situation can have the same effect. Many sweet friends have asked for updates on the house, and I can post on that stuff later. For now, good night and happy Adoption Sunday/Orphan Sunday!!
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