It's been awhile...

For some reason, Jim and I were randomly reading (again) our Emily Kate's  history from before we had brought her home.  Today it made me extremely emotional.  Very weepy to think that for almost two years, others took care of her.  Someone else comforted her when she was sad, hurting, or sick.  Someone else played the "parent" role.  It makes me emotional to think that the orphanage workers love these children (hopefully) then give them away.  And, it makes me emotional that I missed almost two years of her life.  Two years I can't get back....I can never change this, but I know every day these months I spent without her in my life will seem less and less.  But, sometimes, it will probably always just make me a little sad. :(

Anyway, it has been over four months now since we returned home from China with our little girl.  Which means, it has been over 4 months since I last blogged.  I sometimes think everyone knows how things are going with our family since the adoption. Then, I get a sweet FB message or text from someone out of town or that I don't see often and realize there are many people praying for our family, who have no idea how we are doing.  I'm sorry for the lack of updates, and  I truly appreciate the prayers!  Life with a 1, (now 2), 3, and 5 yr old is CRAZY!  Caring for the three of them along with work and an attempt at a social life has made time for blogging pretty much obsolete.  However, there has been much on my mind over the past four months, so I'm going to share.  My reader wants to know ;)

So how has life been?  Wonderful.  Amazing.  But, very hard and different.  We finished our house (well finished enough for us to move in) a few weeks before we left for China.  The exterior was actually painted the weekend we returned home, ha!  I spent a few weeks attempting to make this house look like a home then off we went to China.  I blogged about our time there already, so it's time to talk about life since we have been home.  After a rough morning of tears when Jim first went back to work, Emma finally fully attached to me.  And, she has never let go.  I am so glad to have my little girl love me so much.  But, it was exhausting and still is at times, having one who must be held constantly. However, tonight as I rocked my crying girl and sang old hymns to her, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that she loves me so.  Oh, how I love her.

My Emma is an easy girl to love, but she has some lungs on her.  The first few months she screamed if she wasn't held, if I looked at her brothers (imagine how loud it got when I held them), if she wasn't fed the second she was hungry (that orphanage schedule will probably never be broken), and for many other reasons.  So, she pretty much cried and screamed about half the day, every day. Don't get me wrong, we got smiles every day and laughter.  But, it was a big change for her.  Her whole world was turned upside down.  Not to mention, she was speaking many words, and even little sentences, in Mandarin.  Then she gets taken here where she cant understand or say a word.  Talk about tough--this led to lots of screaming and frustrations as well.  She also didn't sleep well at night in the beginning...unlike a newborn, I couldn't just feed her and she would go back to sleep.  She needed comforting, needed to see me, needed many things that I really had not experienced with my other two before.  Was she afraid?  Did she always cry in the night and this was normal?  Was she scared we would leave? It was all new and confusing.  I could go on and on with many details, but I will say the transition period was tough.  A kind tip to anyone who is speaking to someone who just brought an adopted (non newborn) child home....don't compare it to anything you have experienced, unless you also have adopted.  While I knew people's intentions were always good, it got exhausting, and honestly kinda hard, hearing constant comparisons to Emma's screams to their experiences with their biological children.  I also have two biological kids...I know the difference.

So, here we are now.  Living life, adjusting daily, and I wouldn't change a thing.  Emma is doing so well, and she fits right in.  She will let us leave her now with other care-takers.  She does amazingly well in the nursery after her initial tears.  She learns new words every day and understands most of what is said to her.  Sure, some moments are still hard, and they are going to be for awhile.  But, parenting is always tough---she is worth any tough moment of any day, every day. 

One of the many things I love about our awesome little town of Franklin is that adoption is pretty common. (Enter small Realtor plug ---> I love everything about Franklin, Nashville, and the surrounding areas...and if you are looking to move here, let me know.  I'd love to help you find the perfect home! ---> End Plug). Because it's so common, our family is rarely looked at (at least for adoption reasons) as odd.  We are probably even looked at as "trendy" because I guess adoption is the cool thing to do.  Very weird to me...Bringing kids into forever homes should not be considered a trend.  I don't care, though...it gets orphans into homes!  Although it's common here, it certainly was not common when we were in Florida for vacation.  Lots of stares and confused looks.  We also had a few great conversations with strangers about why we chose to adopt, etc.  I even think a nice server at a restaurant we were at may now be considering adoption as well!  When people do say things that are inappropriate, I generally don't care because I know most of the time, the intentions are good.  But, I do know that one day, my baby girl will understand the things said...and her big brother Luke already does... so I am sensitive to that. 

I've learned that adoption makes people think that your fertility is fair game to discuss.  First of all, a woman's fertility is her business and her business alone (and her spouse's).   I hurt and ache and pray for sweet friends who have fertility problems.  I can't imagine the pain and sorrow that comes from that. We, however,  did not adopt because of fertility problems...we adopted because through a lot of prayer and time, we knew we were meant to parent an orphan.  People with fertility problems should absolutely adopt--adopt, adopt, adopt--but, to imply that a child will only be wanted by someone who can't have "children of their own" kinda makes me sick.  Children can, and should, be adopted by people who want to love and care for the child, regardless of whether they can or can't have biological children.  Obviously I think having biological children is one of the most amazing experiences in the world, and it would not be possible to love my boys more.  But, I love that my family consists of bio children and an adopted child.  I know in the years past, adoption was kind of "reserved" for people who "can't have their own children"  Typing that even makes me cringe a little.  Guess what!?  It's 2014...adoption is not just for people with fertility concerns...I hope it becomes an epidemic that takes over and more and more families look less and less alike ;)  I  don't look at Emma and think "I wish she was a little toe head with blue eyes like I was when I was little."  I see her and simply think how beautiful my little girl is.  (And to be clear, Emma is my own...just as much as Luke and Jake are...choose other words, folks :) )

So many people have made comments about "Now you have your girl" in reference to Emily.  Ugh...this comment bothers me, I have to admit.  I know it's a common thought, and I get it.  And there are many people who adopt just to have a girl.  And, that's okay as long as you love the child!  But, I guess it makes me feel like I wanted my boys less or that my life was incomplete because I didn't have a girl.  I adore my boys.  I love their wild, tough, loud, loving ways.  I'm so glad we have a little girl in our family (even with the ridiculous amounts of drama they bring), but that is not why we adopted...and if we hadn't been lead to adopt then I would have been just fine if we birthed a third boy. 

People love to talk about China and how little girls can be foreseen there (although much of this has changed in recent years).  I am all for conversations regarding China as well, but I would prefer to have them when my kids are not in ear shot.  Imagine if my little girl ever heard that she was not wanted in the country where she was born?  How awful! My little girl is loved by us and wanted by us at all times.

In the same way I have not been called to overseas missions or full-time ministry, not everyone is called to adopt.  But, if you are a follower of Jesus, then the Bible is clear on loving orphans.  So, make sure you are loving on orphans in some way.  So many people get extremely passionate about helping animals, which is awesome.  We have our 9 year old dog and our cat we recently adopted from the animal shelter (yes, I now have a cat for those who know I am not a cat-lover...but, this cat is amazing...the only one I like ;) ) so I understand caring for animals.  But, there are children that need homes/food/shelter etc too.  The next time you get passionate about an animal, if you are the praying kind, maybe say a little prayer for an orphan too.  Who knows!?  Maybe through prayer and time, your family will choose to adopt also?

There is always more I could say (I've never had a shortage of words), but I will stop for now.   Again, I greatly appreciate the texts, emails, and messages I have received.  Hopefully this has given a brief rundown of how life is going for us.  I will end on this statement:  I in NO WAY think we are anything special because we adopted...but, I do think in EVERY WAY my life is far more special because we did. :)